I have to do a test post to check network settings as there seems to be a problem with my Facebook page, so I thought I might as well tell my readers – well the one regular reader at any rate – about my current attack on Twitter.

When my books first went on sale in December 2012, I was told to promote on social media. I had 20 contacts on Facebook (not much more now) and I could not get my head around Twitter. I have had an account since 2013 but only really started using it this week. It is my personal account I am talking about. When this website was created a business account was set up so these blogs could be blasted into the Twitterverse, so that has been semi regular.

Anyway, in 5 days I have sent about 20 tweets. No comments received. No retweets. Three likes. I did obtain 3 followers though. One, an author with 28 novels under his belt, has been giving me some advice but I am still finding it tres difficult.

I thought that joining something that was trending might work. Wednesday night. United v Villreal. My 3 tweets raised nary a like, comment or anything. There was also a song in cartoon trend, where cartoons were inserted into song lyrics. For example, someone sent Don’t Cry for Me Marge and Lisa. So I sent Do Do Do The Funky Phantom but no reaction. It’s like no one had even heard of The Goodies.

I can’t even direct message Richard Osman to ask if he ever got the copy of Trouble Cross I Ieft for him at my failed Pointless audition in 2016. You can’t direct message celebrities.

All I can tell you in that in five days I have had 1717 impressions – and I didn’t recognise one of them, although there could have been an Elvis and a Trump.

I give it a week before I’ve had enough. At least I have not met with one of those mosters that live under bridges and pray on unsuspecting passersby yet.